Ow my brane!
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Head games

Once again I've gone and let a big project get out of control and try to slip away into procrastination land. I've had this idea in my head to rearrange the psi powers in Trinity so that they make sense, instead of the demented mess that they put in that book to fit the necessities of their metaplot. It became an official project when it got picked as the game that the guys who I game with on Rondaks want me to run next.

No, I am not going to let that stupid contrary urge in my brain get in the way of this - I am going to finish this. Unfortunately it's just plain huge - so huge in fact that I have a great big piece of butcher paper taped up in the doorway to my left with little scraps of paper taped to it and thread joining those scraps up as I try to map the new power scheme out. It looks like string art that your kid brother with the crash helmet made. But I didn't make it to be pretty, I made it so I could keep track of the insanity that is this project.

It's going to be good, btw. Fantastic, even. I call it Strange Æons because I thought that Æon was a far cooler name than Trinity, and because I have to sneak a Cthulhu reference in whenever I get the chance. I promise I'll be good and keep the tentacleness to a minimum. Really, honest Injun. I'll even resist the urge to say 'non-Euclidean' or 'foetid' or even 'sanity blasting.' I can wring my hands and cackle all I want, because the players won't be able to see me do it.

And you know I'll be doing plenty of that. 

 

I should feel cheated
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: Angel - but I'm not watching it, honest
Topic: Head games

I finally gave in and ordered the new World of Darkness rulebook. I already have the new Mage book, and it's actually pretty good. I wouldn't exactly call it better than the previous incarnation, but it is much clearer and the backstory/metaplot is zippy. So now I guess I'll have to go ahead and get the new Vampire and Werewolf books to go along with it. And then I can buy up every other damn splat they throw out. I'm a junkie dammit!

This isn't the end of it either. There's a new version of Shadowrun out there. And I don't mean an update of the rules that clarifies a few minor issues - they didn't need one because I have that already. No, they up and made big rules changes that were readily obvious by a scan of the character sheet. Oy! I don't know if I'll be buying that one though.

I have a sick feeling that I will not be using any of these books. Sadness...

[Additional note, completely unrelated: I have also given in about the formatting thing and I'm letting the autoformat do this for me. Now I should feel both cheated and lazy. Oh wait, lazy was a given.]

Hostility
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: The usual [as] thing
Topic: It's all about me
I've been having that stupid argument thing in my head lately. It's not Eris this time, so I know it's just my brain in a bad mood. I've been having argumentative dreams too - dragging up small bits of bullshit and screaming at random people because of it. It's annoying, and this time I can't blame it on the infomercials.

It would be nice if this crap would relate to something useful, or if there was some sort of resolution coming from it, but so far all I'm getting is irritable. I don't want to play this game anymore. Figures that the dreams that do bother to be remembered are the ones that give me grief.

Catty cutting remarks
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Brain candy
Yep, it's Project Runway time again, and I am ready to start dishing. I was going to do a big deal on the various designers, putting my complimentary or catty commentary beside each picture, but I realized that would be a pain in the ass and so not worth it. Just go here if you want to see what they look like and I'll condense things.

First off, I already know that Malan will be in the final 3. Why? Because I hate him - he is a cunty little bitch and I want to stab him in the eye. I hate him so much that I know Bravo will try as hard as they can to keep him on the show. Expect me to bitch about him and to call for his head to be lopped off fairly regularly.

Also, the poor Vincent guy is doomed like Frodo's finger. He's already told about how he had a breakdown because he couldn't handle the fashion industry. Hello! This is the fashion meatgrinder honey, and I think you'll be lucky to get out with your limbs still on. Doomed.

Here's the big thing though: I am so fucking tired of the the whining pricks that complain about the parameters of the challenges they get. Same thing happened in Top Chef - I don't like having a time limit! I don't like working with these materials! Why do they make us do these things?! Because it's a game show you little bitch - if you didn't want to have to deal with unusual circumstances you should have stayed home. I want to see every designer that whined about having to use the room's materials for their 1st project either wake the fuck up for fail asap - this is about challenges, not about how good you think you are.

Addendum to the 'Holy Crap' below
Mood:  down
Topic: Bitchy rants

Look, I'm sorry that the majority of the internetting populace seems to be HTML illiterate, but do you really have to retard up the whole blog posting process for everyone? Hey, Tripod - I've been doing my own formatting from the get go, you think maybe I prefer doing it my way and not yours?

See, here's the thing - there used to be a checkbox down there (where you can't see, I know) that said 'Post in HTML' and that gave me the option of not having to deal with the stupid autoformat nonsense that I really hate. Hate it, people, hate it. Only now that checkbox is gone, and now I have to open yet another window to 'edit' the HTML. If I don't (like I'm not now) it goes thru the stupid autoformat nonsense that junks everything up and that is fucking annoying. It took me several tries to get this damn thing to recognize that link in the previous post, not because I don't know how but because it kept pretending that the code I put in was actual text that I wanted you to read. Even now, as I habitually but in the tag for a new paragraph at the end of each one, it actually thinks I want you to see that mark. I had to go back and edit them out

Yes, the little extra bells and whistles are zippy. Here, have some applause. If you people add more annoying shit to my blog process I may be forced to move this thing to MySpace - and I really, really don't want to. And no, there is no readily obvious way for me to complain about this.

We fear change. 

More egoistic chatter
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: It's all about me
This link (which I hope still works by the time anyone reads this - still does as of my posting) found its way to me via the #Bearcave. No, it's not porn, go ahead and click it.

I know, it puts a serious martyr spin on introverts (and yes, I know it's meant as tongue-in-cheek), but beyond that I relate to it quite a bit. It bugs me so much when I hear about these noble ideals associated with extroverted people, and yet my naturally insular nature somehow makes me unfit for society and that I must strive to be good and social and part of the big pod-people way of life.

Yes, I find socializing tiresome occasionally. My friends know how much I love them, and they respect that I need to be by myself sometimes - there is a lot of noise in my head that I gotta sort through. Hell, before Faire went into exile I would almost inevitably end up sitting on one of the barrels in front of cannonade to just sit and listen and be still. You would think people would clue in, but no - almost every time I would get any number of people coming up to me and asking if I was alright, did I need anything, was I feeling okay. Yes! I'm fine! Oy...

Another thing about this is that I have a tremendous voyeur streak in me - I much prefer watching things unfold than to put my hand in and get involved. Mostly this is because I already know that getting involved usually means I fuck things up. But mainly I just like to watch, to listen, to see where things are going. And yet this is seen as somehow wrong, that I'm not participating enough and that just can't be allowed. Why is it so important for everyone to behave the same way, to have a consensus of thought and action?

So, with all that nonsense in mind I have two statements.

The first: if you are reading this chances are it doesn't apply to you but I'm going to say it anyway - The reason I don't bring up topics so much in conversation, the reason I tend to keep our conversations on a surface level, is because you are disinterested and often actively hostile to my interests. I've had enough of explaining myself to people, and I'm tired of the defensive reaction I get when confronted with the idea that my interests are not good enough for you. I don't imagine this bothers you, at least you don't act that way, so I'm fine just keeping things the way they are.

The second: if you are reading this chances are very good that it applies to you in some way - The reason I don't keep in touch with you is that I am a lazy bastard and terrible at keeping in touch. Also, and I have yet to understand where this comes from, I am terrible at initiating pretty much anything. But I think you already knew that.

I think I'm done now. I'll try to be better at updating this thing.

Holy crap more stuff!
Mood:  surprised
Now Playing: X-Files (but I'm not really watching it)
Topic: Self-referential topic
I was about to post something completely other when I noticed that the little posty console deal has all kinds of new stuff for me to deal with. Hell, I just managed to figure out the little bit of stuff from before and now there's more of it. Looks pretty cool, I'll try to behave and not go overboard with the excessive frillies.

Because it had to happen eventually
Mood:  surprised
Topic: Brain candy
This is a review of Brokeback Mountain and I don't want to hear any snickering.

I didn't really want to watch this movie originally, at least not going out of my way to see it. I was perfectly happy to wait for it to show up on Lifetime or Bravo or something. It's a fucking romance movie that was so overhyped and overdiscussed that I was entirely sick of it before I even realized that it was out on DVD. But someone up and told the hubby that he needed to watch it and he kept hounding me about it, so finally we picked up a used DVD at the Hastings so we could watch it.

It's not bad, actually. In fact, it gets a bit tearsome once you get to the second half of it. I'm not doing cartwheels over this movie by any means, but I didn't hate it. In fact, the only realy complaint that I have is that the first time that they go at it I totally didn't buy it. It seemed like the director told them "Look, we only have about 2 hours to cram all this plot and angst in, so you two better just get it on so we can get to the story." Really - I've seen more believable sex setups in porn. I don't have all that much left to say about this movie. I do want to read the story that it's based on because I imagine that it'll fix that little bit of dislike that I have. Or not - whatever.

There is, however, one stupid little thing that I do want to address - the inane chatter that this movie generated. I read so many whiny bullshit comments about how people didn't like how this movie was sad and tragic and didn't portray a gay relationship with happy-crappy verve and joy. If you want to see that, there are tons and tons of gay movies that'll be overjoyed to glurge you to death with it. Go ahead, enjoy it. Love is not all hearts and flowers - love is powerful and frightening and capable of tearing your life into pieces so small that you won't even find a scrap big enough to dry your eyes with. I think it is a disservice to love to think that it should be portrayed as all light and happiness. If activist minded people want equality for everyone then they should applaud this movie for showing a gay relationship in the light of reality. The real tragedy that this movie highlights is not the sad demise of a relationship due to distance both physical and emotional, but how a relationship that could have been full of love, devotion and fulfillment was quashed before it ever had a chance by the hatred and small-minded attitude of people who have no business dictating to others what shape love must take.

There, that's my soapbox and my review.

No bonfire
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Life in Texas
Well it looks like the big July 4th bash is going to be off this year. Nobody seems to be able to afford the time or money to make it out. Not that it really matters, since there is a chance that we wouldn't be able to do any fireworks or bonfire anyway because of the burn ban going on now due to drought. We did get maybe an inch or so of rain the past couple weeks, but I don't know if that is really going to count.

Next year seems to be the year - everyone tells me that they're more likely to make it then than now. Which is fine, I'm sure we can take a year off and run down to Big Spring and Lamesa to visit a bit. It also gives me a whole extra year to make it the huge fiery bash it deserves to be.

The intellectual survey
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Good Eats
Topic: Various webshit
Because Gothling told me to.

1. Other than peer pressure, what was the motive that got you to try your first illegal substance? (Underage drinking counts.)
There was no real motive to it - I decided I wanted to see what the fuss was about.

2. Most teens sneak out of houses. Usually the motivation is to drink or get laid. Aside from those, what motivated you to sneak out, and what did you do on those nights?
I don't really recall sneaking out, though on occasion I did sneak in. Mostly just fucking around with friends.

3. What was the most majestic natural scenery you have witnessed? Describe it.
Seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time also gave me my first case of true vertigo, which was interesting because I knew I was perfectly safe so I could just sorta stand there and ride the wave awhile.

4. What is your favorite Presidentail quote? (Please name said President.)
Don't have one.

5a. You have a Divine Vision that some cataclysmic event will occur in two weeks. Who would you tell, and why?
Nobody, because I don't see it making a difference.

5b. If you decide to tell no one for fear of ridicule (a Cassandra Complex) how do you think that your behavior would change?
I think I would probably get a little hysterical. Or drunk, maybe both.

6. Many magazines have topical (or sometimes completely random) surveys. Abstaining from the topic of having sex with someone of a gender (or species) you find undesireable, make up a title and two sample questions of a survey you would never take.
How tasty is your pet?
Do you prefer to lick, suck or chew on your pet?
Does your pet make its own gravy?

7. Pretend that I am blind and I want to see a picture of you. How would you describe yourself to me. (Honestly, please... no sex-fanstasy bullshit.)
Don't be alarmed by the wiry crap here, it's just beard.

8. Make up a word and give it a useful definition, dictionary-style. (Example: PIBITZ (n) [pib-itz]: the salivic residue left from a sloppily executed french-kiss.)
Feff [FEF] (v): to steal an item from someone you believe is underserving of it.

9. Quote a stanza from a song that you think will change my perceptions of life.
"The future is no place to place your better days." And I'm going to be evil and not tell you where it comes from.

10. Describe any "complex" situation.
Sitting in a room with a guy named Adrian Monk - not only is the guy riddled with complexes, he's entirely fictional.