Hostility
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: The usual [as] thing
Topic: It's all about me
I've been having that stupid argument thing in my head lately. It's not Eris this time, so I know it's just my brain in a bad mood. I've been having argumentative dreams too - dragging up small bits of bullshit and screaming at random people because of it. It's annoying, and this time I can't blame it on the infomercials.

It would be nice if this crap would relate to something useful, or if there was some sort of resolution coming from it, but so far all I'm getting is irritable. I don't want to play this game anymore. Figures that the dreams that do bother to be remembered are the ones that give me grief.

More egoistic chatter
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: It's all about me
This link (which I hope still works by the time anyone reads this - still does as of my posting) found its way to me via the #Bearcave. No, it's not porn, go ahead and click it.

I know, it puts a serious martyr spin on introverts (and yes, I know it's meant as tongue-in-cheek), but beyond that I relate to it quite a bit. It bugs me so much when I hear about these noble ideals associated with extroverted people, and yet my naturally insular nature somehow makes me unfit for society and that I must strive to be good and social and part of the big pod-people way of life.

Yes, I find socializing tiresome occasionally. My friends know how much I love them, and they respect that I need to be by myself sometimes - there is a lot of noise in my head that I gotta sort through. Hell, before Faire went into exile I would almost inevitably end up sitting on one of the barrels in front of cannonade to just sit and listen and be still. You would think people would clue in, but no - almost every time I would get any number of people coming up to me and asking if I was alright, did I need anything, was I feeling okay. Yes! I'm fine! Oy...

Another thing about this is that I have a tremendous voyeur streak in me - I much prefer watching things unfold than to put my hand in and get involved. Mostly this is because I already know that getting involved usually means I fuck things up. But mainly I just like to watch, to listen, to see where things are going. And yet this is seen as somehow wrong, that I'm not participating enough and that just can't be allowed. Why is it so important for everyone to behave the same way, to have a consensus of thought and action?

So, with all that nonsense in mind I have two statements.

The first: if you are reading this chances are it doesn't apply to you but I'm going to say it anyway - The reason I don't bring up topics so much in conversation, the reason I tend to keep our conversations on a surface level, is because you are disinterested and often actively hostile to my interests. I've had enough of explaining myself to people, and I'm tired of the defensive reaction I get when confronted with the idea that my interests are not good enough for you. I don't imagine this bothers you, at least you don't act that way, so I'm fine just keeping things the way they are.

The second: if you are reading this chances are very good that it applies to you in some way - The reason I don't keep in touch with you is that I am a lazy bastard and terrible at keeping in touch. Also, and I have yet to understand where this comes from, I am terrible at initiating pretty much anything. But I think you already knew that.

I think I'm done now. I'll try to be better at updating this thing.

More of the sickness
Mood:  caffeinated
Now Playing: [as] for the second time around
Topic: It's all about me
The ginger flavored Altoids taste kinda weird. Not bad, just weird. I wasn't as surprised as I was by the liquorice ones, which I had assumed would be an intense spicy kick.

There are two layers of sickness at work here. The tins are the main thing, of course. I'm going to run out of room on the narrow green metal shelf I'm magneting them to soon, so I'm gonna have to find more places to stick them. But it's also that I can't stand to just toss the damn mints out - even the not so tasty ones. I have a big stash of them in a baggie right now, and it feels like cheating. I will resist for as long as possible not to mix mint flavors.

When I start to think seriously about using them in a recipe I will know I have crossed the line and throw them out. I promise.

Horrorfest in the Tornado shelter
Mood:  suave
Topic: It's all about me
Well mostly. The horror movies haven't gotten here yet. But I am sufficiently suave to call it a party. We gotta wait til the veggie stuff is off the grill so that it can be tainted by meat. I still have to vacuum in here, shit!

So, so lagging...

Hiding in the Tornado shelter
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: the Chemical Brothers, again + Danger Doom occasionally
Topic: It's all about me
I was good today and socialized. Aren't you proud of me?

Woke up round noon when the phone went off, but I knew I'd never get to it in the other room before it quit, so I just stretched and looked for my glasses. It was my hostess, so I popped onto Y! so we could chat awhile. That and #bearcave kept me hiding most of the afternoon out in the garage.

I put it on some net radio with nice house and techno stuff, and that along with the cds I brought (all 2) means that the little woofer on her desk makes a nice fan during the warm part of the day.

I spooked the others when I went out the first time, because all I did was bang some pots around in the sink from last night and then grab a glass of milk. Then I sat out a while later and chatted with a couple of the guys - random religious/political chatter, nothing grouchy - before wandering back down the tunnel.

The phone was being stupid signalwise the last time I was here, but it seems to be behaving now. Which is good because I know the hubby would lose his mind if we didn't talk for a whole week. I think the phone would explode from non-use. I dunno what it is, but his and my phones have been getting titchy on the signal.

Anyway, I'm gonna cut it here because I'm s'posed to be helping with taco night. Ole (plus accenty thingy).

One reason why my fat head is out of control
Mood:  rushed
Topic: It's all about me
The madness has started spiraling out of control, and I'm not even in Cali yet. Already I've got 4 separate factions of people willing to throw down and get all crazy over who gets to have me first, most, and NOW NOW NOW. And how many people do you have fighting over you, huh? I'm already a raging egomaniac as it is people, I don't know why you insist on feeding the beast.

But seriously, it is indeed a mad scramble for me to get to see as many people as possible on my annual jaunt out, and to do as much as possible as well. And believe me, the doing part is a big thing for me because I'm not really all that motivated unless I've got someone doing to motivating for me. Plus, having to cram all manner of activity into weekdays tends to cramp some people's plans.

The funny thing to me is how every year I do actually worry whether or not the Cali/Faire thing is going to work out, and despite that nonsense (you'd think I'd have learned by now...) I still manage to get out there every year. Plans are already evolving their way into place. I've got passage booked, I've got a pick-up arranged, I've even got my first week planned out for me. One thing I've learned by now is to not bother actually setting any real plans in stone because they seem to grow just fine on their own organically.

Ahhhh, it's a curse being so popular.

Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow
Mood:  down
Topic: It's all about me
My back is acting up again. I don't know if it's something pinched or something pulled or what - hell I don't even know what I did to get it acting up again. So now I have to pile the pillows up on either side of me so I can sleep comfortably and I get to hobble around when I need something from the other end of the house.

Although I shouldn't complain too much - at least it's not at that uncomfortable no matter what I do stage. Here's to hoping it'll just go away. In any case, I know my online time will get a bit erratic. (Okay, a bit more erratic.)

Spontaneous insanity
Mood:  silly
Topic: It's all about me
It's not my fault. All of the blame can be placed squarely on the shoulders of B. Dalton Booksellers.

So the other day, in a weird fit of sleep deprivation (and having a nice stack of xmas cash), I decided to motor on over to Clovis and have a nice little day to myself. The original plan was to hit the Hastings, maybe have some sort of iced coffee deal, and then browse a bit and buy maybe $50 worth of whatever happened to appeal to me.

Yes, I was stupid enough to bring all my cash.

More adventures in shopping...

Again with the ears
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: It's all about me
DIE BACTERIA DIE!

Oddly enough, this time I got something of an advance warning - instead of waking up with half my head throbbing I ended up dealing with a couple days of wet itchy annoyance.

This time the clinic decided maybe we oughta jam a swab in there and CSI us up a culture. That's right you fucking microscopic bastards, we'll know exactly who you are and make you pay. Pay I tell you!

Don't read this
Mood:  happy
Topic: It's all about me
I have pretty new chonies on and you are so jealous.